Why aren’t you married?!

I can’t be the only one who’s been asked if I’m going to get married after the announcement of a baby on the way. You’d think it would be the older generation to jump straight to expecting wedding bells, but you’d be surprised how many people in Gen-Z have asked me this question!

I wouldn’t say that I’m against marriage, I think every girl dreams of her wedding day and I’m certainly no different.. What I am against though is the whole idea of needing a ring and a certificate to prove to everyone else how much we love each other, when a relationship is such a personal and private thing.

Brandon and I have spoken about marriage for some time, naturally, and we do both want to get married one day when the time is right. But here’s what we both agree on about marriage; marriage can end – divorce is so common these days. We know people who’ve gotten married and broken up on their bloody honey moon. We know people who have gotten engaged to fix their relationship and all it did was end it even sooner.

Marriage is not forever like it used to be. What is forever is a child and we already have that. No matter what happens to me or to Brandon or to our relationship in the future, we will always be connected by our beautiful little girl and that is the most special and beautiful thing I could possibly imagine to tie the two of us together. Next to that, marriage seems trivial.

There’s also the factor of money. I had a nice amount of money waiting for my wedding day in an account set up for me by my parents when they sold their house, but some unforeseen circumstances arose and I chose to loan the money to a family member in need.. I’m still waiting to get it back, so until that happens there’s really no point to start thinking about wedding plans.

It’s 2017. We’re in a time now of such acceptance where people have free choice of their sexuality, their gender or even choose to refrain from having a gender at all! So why is it still expected that a straight couple have to be married to have children?

I don’t live my life to please others and I don’t seek acceptance or approval from anyone on my life decisions. As long as Brandon and I are both happy and on the same page with our relationship and it’s status, that’s all that matters to me 🙂

5 ways to cope with a baby that won’t sleep through the night

If you’re looking for some kind of life hack or the secret to this $1000000 question, you’re in the wrong place.

Unfortunately there is just no such thing as a normal sleeping routine with a newborn. No matter what you do or how many books you read, you’re going to have sleepless nights.

So how do you cope when it’s 4am, you’ve had no sleep and you’re at your wit’s end?

1. Flip the situation

I suffered many stressful sleepless nights with a crying baby and I was struggling. I got frustrated a few times and then I cried hysterically with guilt. But one night I decided something’s gotta give…

For me, the biggest breakthrough I had was a change of mentality. Rather than trying and trying to get her to sleep because I wanted to sleep, I just thought to myself “Okay, I’m up. My day starts now.”.. Even though it was 3am and I’d only had 2 1/2 hours sleep.

So now, instead of rocking her to sleep for 30min, falling asleep for 10min and then being woken up again by her screaming and feeling like stabbing myself in the head, I was sitting on the couch watching TV and having some cuddles with my little baby – a much better situation to find myself in. And murphy’s law, just as I had done this, 30min later she was fast asleep!

It’s not easy, but if you can change your mindset, you can flip the situation and usually as soon as you’ve accepted that he/she isn’t sleeping, suddenly 30min later they’re dead to the world, because they’ve sensed calm and not tension – baby’s really pick up on that stuff.

Try to put yourself in their shoes.. Would you go to sleep just because someone else told you to? No, not if you’re not tired.

 

2. Affirmations

The other thing that got me through the sleepless nights was just telling myself again and again “This won’t last forever.” and “She will go to sleep eventually.” ..This probably seems obvious, but when you’re stuck in a rut and you’re tired and crabby, it’s easy to lose sight of these facts and start a downward spiral of dark thoughts such as “Is this really what my life is now?” and “What the hell have I gotten myself into”.

 

3. Follow Suit

I know you’ve heard this one before – sleep when they sleep.

This goes hand in hand with number 1. Your baby will eventually sleep at some point and when he/she does, make sure you sleep too if you’ve had a rough day/night. It’s tempting to neglect this for watching TV or doing housework or whatever else you were unable to do while you were dealing with a crying baby now that you’ve finally got some peace and quiet, but sleep deprivation truly does make everything seem worse than it is and you need to get the rest even if you can’t sleep for the sake of your mental health, because it’s a sure thing that baby will wake up again and will probably be a handful all over again.

 

4. Invoke an SOS

If you find yourself at breaking point and unable to flip the situation mentally, or if you are finding yourself going into microsleep, it’s important to have someone who you can ask for help if the worst case scenario arises.

It’s easy to feel like you can’t or shouldn’t bother someone for example if your partner has returned to work and has to be up in the morning, you may feel like you shouldn’t wake them.. But if you’re at risk of microsleeping, or about to explode, it’s far better to wake them before that happens. Even a 5min break can make the world of difference!

 

5. Do what works for YOU

Everyone has an opinion these days and everyone thinks they know best. This opens the door to a lot of judgement and second guessing yourself.

Yes, there are some ‘rules’ that should always be followed, but there’s also something called maternal instinct. You know what’s best for you and your baby, so don’t discount something because a professional says it’s not good.

Very occasionally, Caedence sleeps in my bed with me (like literally right next to me) because sometimes the only way she will sleep is if I breastfeed her laying down in the bed belly-to-belly. If I try to move her to her bassinet she will wake and cry and I got tired of repeating the same steps of soothe, fall asleep, put in the bassinet, wake up and cry over and over again.

The experts say this is a huge no-no and admittedly I was nervous the first couple times I left her sleeping next to me rather than risk waking her when it’s taken hours for her to finally fall asleep. I was at a point where the consequences of sleep deprivation were greater than the risk of me rolling on top of her, so I trusted that my maternal instinct would prevent me from forgetting she was in bed with me and end up rolling ontop of her in my sleep, and I was right.

We both got sleep (even though I was only 3/4 sleeping and always conscious of her being there) and it saved a lot of frustration, tears and potential sleep deprivation.

 

Friday Drinks and Nibbles

Today my mum came over for nibbles and champers. We decided to pig out on all the things I couldn’t eat while I was pregnant.

I love it when mum comes over cause she loves to hold and spoil Caedence, giving me a well deserved break.

I’m really fortunate to have such a young mother who I get on so well with and can relate to, I truly cherish my relationship with my mum and just couldn’t imagine my life without her. She’s not only my mum but my best friend as well.

6 Weeks Postpartum

Update – At 6 weeks postpartum, I think I’ve shed about 70% of the weight I gained during my pregnancy.

I still have a way to go, but I am pretty satisfied with how things are going so far with little to no exercise (walking only).

Next week I have a physio appointment to clear me for exercise, so looking forward to that and seeing further results after I can start proper exercise!